Well, my friends (and friends of Keith), it has been a wonderful year, and all have had fun. As you might have surmised, now that school is out, there probably won't be any new updates until the fall. At this point, I will be taking Contemptible from Keith, and TA-ing Ethics. This means that we should be able to get some fresh material. Well, have a wonderful summer everybody and God bless.

Keith was sleep-deprived today, so that means that the quotes were flyin'.

"Trefts in the Hoooouuuusssse!"

"Ben, it's called Ritalin."

"That's right, Bill. If you're looking for a good time, I'm your guy."

"We should all live with monkeys and serve Will."
editorial comment: Now that's the best idea I've ever heard!

It's been a while, but I'm back, and boy do I have a wealth of quotes now. Woo hoo!

"Music to kidnap young women by."
~Wyma's thoughts on the molester-stache sported by a student.

"I'll be back after I'm doped up."

"Phantom limb is such a bitch."

"It does please me to imagine you in agony."
~Wyma on grading papers

"Ha ha! I lifted the table! Worship me!"

"California is going to Hell."
*webmaster's note: Here here!

"You don't have to be a post-modernist to be a scumbag, but it helps."

"So this is where the apostle Paul was smoking dope."

"I love it when material science beats on atheists."

"We have inter-species relations with 5'2" blonde white women."

"It started out Little House in the Big Woods and then they cleared them out so it became Little House on the Praerie. Laura Ingalls Wilder has a bumper sticker that says 'Clear Cut!'"

"Idiocy contains its own safety net."

"I'M the shizzle."
~Keith, Live from Missoula, Montana at the 1st annual Inland Northwest Regional Ethics Bowl

"It is one of my life's goals to be assassinated."

"I see myselfas a Socratic midwife...Rebecca here just needs a Caesarian."

"The woman gets bored...There were a lot of drills around the house."
~Keith, on the way in which the wife of a gay man gets pregnant.

"He was a Lutheran. There was no sex."

"Know the GUI. Trust the GUI. Love the GUI."
~Kant's motto, V. 2.0.0.3

Well, it's been almost two months since the last post. I blame the internet...

"At first, [Whitworth Professor of Religion] Roger Mohrlang looks like just the sweetest old man you ever met, and then you look at his papers, and you realize that he couldn't be more nasty if he had a dominatrix with a cattle prod."

"If screwing is all they did, screw them."

"I am ninja. I am invisible."

"You know, Jesus just screws things up all the time."

"Thank goodness for the Australians for saving us from being the most boorish, shallow people on Earth."

And a special guest appearance by Kevin Klevjer:
"Maybe it's not wrong to dehumanize."

"They'll not take our freedom, just our intestines!"

"There is no bigger whacking-stick than eternal damnation."

"Hmmm...Scripture reading or crack pipe?"

"Somebody whip me!"

"Mommy says go distract the store owner."

"As a philosopher, of course, I avoid the Bible at all costs."

"It's like BAM! We're alone now with God."

"Grammar is apparently lost on villains."

"You only THINK I'm not a heroin addict."

"This is Christmas.
The dog died.
But at least this year,
We got to eat."

"So I was riding along on my bike...and then I wiped out and I was lik, "Oh no! God's judging me!"

"There's a great Marilyn Manson song..."

"A is for the alcohol so tasty.
D is for the drugs that make my skin so pasty.
D is for the dollars I am spending.
I is for the indictments that are pending.
C is for cravings that are always hovering.
T is for the tracks my sleeves are covering.
I is for the insane way I'm feeling.
O is for the overdose that has me reeling.
N is for the next hit, always the best one.
S is for the slab I soon will rest on."

"It's a piece of freakin' wood."

"What would Jesus do? Well I think he'd pull his pants up!"

"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk."

"God wanted me to use the pencil, not the pen."

"Luckily for the Nazis, God hated the Jews."

"People say Paris is the city of love, but really it's Prague. People were making out everywhere! Old people, young people, everybody was making out!"

"A good dog is loyal and friendly, and doesn't crap on the rug too much."

"It's bad to abandon children and leave them on hillsides to be raised by wolves."

"I had a bad experience with Mickey once."

Well, it's a new year, a new term, and we open it up with a new batch of Wyma, fresh from today's session of Ten Commandments. Most of the quotes throughout January will be taken from that class. Welcome back, everybody!

"You can do business or go to Heaven, but not both."

"The number of times I should have been dead or horribly mutilated is almost beyond count."

"If I take the drugs, I'm fine."

"Christian rock. I'm still not convinced it's not a contradiction of terms."

"I think that there is a certain amount of rebellion inherrent in rock, but culture is so far gone to Hell already that you can rebel against it by being good."

Have a wonderful Christmas break, folks, from all one of us here at Life of Wyma. See you in January!

It's finals week, so this will probably be the last post of the semester. After this, we won't be seeing more until Jan term begins on the 7th of January.

"Dang, we is cool!"

"What to do in this situation? Be a bad-ass!...Be cheerful!"

"Cruelty is like the sprinkles on the ice-cream."

"I heard from your parents, and they hate you."

"I'm not actually wearing anything right now and I feel fine."

"The world doesn't give a rat's patoot whether you live or die, or succeed or fail."

"Look at Mozart, Colin Powell, Queen Elizabeth, and then look at Johnny Knoxville...This guy is just begging you to kick him on the floor."

"We might disagree over Sean Connery, but if you dressed him up enough, I'd go out with him."

"Now, chances are ignorance of the law wouldn't pass in a southern cracker court."

"Hum de dum-dum, I'm coming back with my trophies of human body parts! Hey, somebody broke into my house!"

"Anybody here ever gone into anaphalactic shock? It's a trip, man!"

"I'm disturbed by anybody who doesn't actually want to use drugs!"
~Wyma on chemical dependency

"I'm not being homo-erotic here, I'm trying to describe the sublime!"
~Wyma on aesthetics

"Man, I wish I had a bitchin' pad in Soho!"
~Wyma on affordable housing

"My wife gave me some good drugs, so I soldiered through and managed to stuff myself anyway."
~Wyma on the joys of Thanksgiving

"...And after they're done, we'll have a dogfight."

"What I want to see is a couple goin' at it in a public restroom, then, look up and say, 'Sweet Fancy Moses, WHAT IS THAT SMELL!?!"

"We know Will is lying, so that means none."

"But truth is objective, so I win!!"

"I thought one of my Cards of Power had disappeared there for a second."

"...I'm omniscient and benevolent."

"Bill, we are going to seriously curtail your freedom and place you in prison, where you will become the plaything of your cellmate, Bubba."

"Eventually, I'll just want to dive in the paper and swim in the coins like Scrooge McDuck."

"Let's start with crack cocaine. Some people desire it, so it's desirable. Let's get some! No."

"It's really nice to rock your baby to sleep...It really makes me feel what it would be like to be God...It's the beauty of being omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent."

"It's going to be a lot harder to enjoy your chocolate ripple ice cream when the bones of your leg are grating against one another."

"Weasels dealing in spades!"

"...Cats are evil. His [Nate's] day isn't complete 'til he's purreed a Persian."

"I just can't stand those sanctimonious 'Next Generation' folks, going on every week about the Prime Directive and breaking it every other week."

"I should have known it would only be the geek philosophy majors in here who would appreciate Star Trek."

"This is how I knew I could get a job in Philosophy: Look at the competition!"
~Keith, referring to a lecture given on-campus Thursday night.

"Anything west of the Mississippi was just cowboys and hooligans, so I didn't care."

"I'm just picking a good American brand, although that may be a contradiction of terms."

"[Crack cocaine] is that good. It's so wonderful."

-"Will, do you have some obsession that you need to deal with?"
-"Oh come on, that's only two [cheap whore] references!"
-"Yeah, in the LAST 15 MINUTES!"
~An exchange between Keith and myself

"Man, there are a lot of people in this scene...I wish my life were more like that!"
~Keith on porn

"[proctology] isn't the most glorious of medical professions, but if something down there gets broken, you're gettin' it fixed, one way or another."

"You know, that whole Judas thing came as a surprise."

"Was it said by a woman? Then it's wrong!"

"You gotta' off-road in your SUV and run over that little hermit shack."

"Despite all the German philosophy covering it up, it's remarkably easy."

"Kevin goes to jail as a drug-trafficker to elementary school children."

"I might as well live for booze and crack now."

Greetings, my friends. For those of you not in the know, Keith Wyma's wife gave birth to a baby boy last Wednesday, a strapping young lad named Colin. This webmaster sends his best wishes to the Wyma family and sincerely prays that their family will continue to grow in love. That being said, let the Wyma-isms flow!

"Never attempt to argue with a woman who is giving birth...And forget about trying to make her laugh!"

"Those contractions are kinda' fun. 'Whoa, here comes a big one!'"

"Eric, go rape your neighbor."

"There's nothing like the God of the Bible to mess up the God of theology."

"I suspect if one of you pooped on me within the first fifteen minutes of our acquaintance, I wouldn't enjoy hanging out with you nearly as much."

Howdy, folks. Today, Keith's wife went into labor, which means that soon there will be yet another bouncing baby Wyma in the world. In honor of this special occasion, I have decided to spare Keith the mockery that is normally associated with this site. To this end, there will be no installments of Life of Wyma until next Wednesday, to give him some time to recover his wits and sanity.

"You can learn life's lessons or be an object lesson."

"Mosquito bites are to poison ivy what a pinprick is to having your arms sawed off with a chainsaw."

"Sitcoms aren't filled with old crotchety guys like Jerry Sittser."

"I'm not exactly sure how you do puppetry with a penis, but these guys are."

"Unbeknownst to Dave, Chad has sprinkled the sundae, not with butterscotch, but ecstasy."

"During the High Middle Ages, everybody really admired Aristotle. Then they met him...and it was like, 'Holy Crap!'"

"Was it written in this century? Then it's WRONG!"

"Look, folks! No needle tracks on my arms anymore!"

"Can't get to the NAMBLA site. Can't get to the Satanist site. What is this educational institution coming to?"

"Coping with the crisis situation that is House Wyma."

"You might find yourself saying, 'It looks bipedal. It might be an osterich or something.'" - Keith on what God's work-in-progress statue entitled "Keith Wyma" would look like.

"By golly, that Pope's a heretic and if anybody follows him, they're goin' to hell."

"God says 'PSYCH!!'"

"Bill Pullman the president...Now that's a scary thought."