The insecurities of Yahweh: “Don’t make any other Gods!! Don’t worship other idols!!”
--See Exodus for Biblical support

“Do not kill. Unless they pray to a different invisible man than you.”
--From George Carlin on the 10 Commandments

“I just came down from an active volcano and was speaking with God.”
“Everything is ok. Just stay calm. We will get you a tranquilizer.”
Moses descending from Mount Sinai