"We [men] have enough supremacy under our belt that we don't need to have every indefinite personal pronoun."

"It pleases me to see Rebecca suffer."

"This is the first time I've heard you speak in six days!"

"This is analytic philosophy at its most ANAL-ytic."

"You HOPED I'd show taste and restraint."

"My being wrong is usually accompanied by cataclysmic events within the earth, but it does happen."

"It's like you're just standing there, telepathically making heads explode!"

"I'm a freakin' Pinko!"

"As you become The Man, The Man becomes more appealing."

"The only honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought."

"I'm all about the funk!"

"Graduation should be changed from 'Pomp and Circumstance' to 'Pimp and Circumstance.'"

"I think Skinner is monstrous and should have been horse-whipped through town until he recanted his horrid idea. Ironically, once could justify it in a Skinnerian fashion. I love that."

"Rufio, Rufio! Oh, my Ru-fi-oooo!"

"It's okay to make castles in the air. We just can't live in them."

"This quantum physics stuff is crap! You can take it home and feed it to your dog!"

"I am an agent!" (Strikes Charly's Angels-esque pose)

"Next time, we'll pretend it's Monday and come to class depressed."

"I will grant that cats are aware. Evil, but aware."

"He's freakin' God. You just gotta' do what he says."

"Hey, I guess it's time to fry up Ian. Doo doo doo doo doo."
~On cooking his son

"It's in our human nature to die. It's the one thing we're really good at."

"No, I'm not bitter about being left alone in nature."

"Jesus will become ruler of the world and everyone is gonna' be let into the kingdom...OH CRAP!"

"Violence is fun! It gets people's attention!"

"I'm fascinated by Texas Hold'em, in large part because it's so stupid."

"Yeah, Grandma! Next thing I knew she was all up on me, YEAH!"

First of the year! Woo hoo!

"Metaphysics is hardcore, not just cinemax late at night!"

"We're front-loaded for fun."

"Probably a dangerous thing to hand a philosopher a microphone. How much time do you have?"

"It's not really important! It's not philosophy!"

"You know, if we had a substantial amount of Jamaican Gold, we could be there [Mars] by the afternoon!"