MORE UPDATES!!!

"Gosh, should I put the knife in my chest, or not? I don't know what will happen."

"Presumably there isn't a real person named Mario who had to jump off a cliff for my entertainment."

"Singer's not evil--he's just a philosopher. [pause] It's okay to laugh. That was a joke."

[The webmaster wishes to thank Virgie Way for being more attentive and diligent in the gathering of quotes than he was.]

"Wouldn't it be great if you could re-grow your limbs and such? Kids games would be so much different. It'd be like, 'Ha ha, Corey! I got your leg!'"

Howdy folks! Sorry for the long tardiness of this post. It's the eagerly awaited, long-anticipated return of Life of Wyma! And, let me tell you, I've got a bevvy of 'em.

"I'm going through puberty...which will come as quite a surprise to my kids."

"This is the kind of proof that Pythagoras would have sold his own mother for."

"Puppies? Where's my blender?"

"We can live in a cabin in Montana if we want to, by golly, and make our own waffles out of tree bark!"

"God should have known better than to make Wyma!"

"I want my heavenly cookies!"

"And who doesn't want to kill their neighbors and their cat?"

"Marx comma Karl is in the diabolical command camp, where he's currently experiencing the summer conditions."

"Wow! The image of me naked even scared ME!"

"The Dennis Rodman quartet? I'd pay money for that!"

"People may desire Pauly Shore, but its clear that that isn't healthy."

"It's the smug, self-satisfied atheists that really piss me off. When I see them coming, I just want to get out my axe, because somebody needs to be cut down to size."

"I can think about math or Hogan's Heroes. I can think about anything I want!"

"At which point, with the threat of logical talking, Mike Tyson ran away."

"Hegel was a self-satisfied obnoxious punk, but it took a hundred years before anybody was able to realize it."

"I have the potential to know french. It shames me, but it's true."

"One page of Plato, one [hit from the joint]. One page of Plato, one [hit from the joint]. Hey! These are both pretty good!"

"It's better to help a small child across the street than throw him in front of the car...God throws small children in front of cars."

"And who doesn't want to kill their neighbors and their cat?"

"For I the LORD am a fogizzle God."

"You might have those moments at 3 o'clock in the morning where you feel bad about it, but the rest of the time you can be drunk and forget about it."

"There is a certain glow about the philosophy department."

"One of my basic rules of life is that if the SWAT team comes, you're going to jail."

"One of those guys who's gonna' remove themselves from the gene pool early."

"Was this while he was there or while you were stalking him?"
(on a student's account of a visit to Colin Powell's house)

"Looks like several attempts at a Darwin Award in this class."

"Mmm-mm. Goat entrails! It's what the gods love!"

From the first day of Ethics:
"If by pimp, you mean one who rents out other human beings for profit, then no, I am not a pimp. However, if by pimp you mean the current hip-hop slang, which is used to refer to one of unspeakable funkiness, then yes, I am a pimp."

"This is why I had to leave Indiana. I couldn't make a shot to save my life."

"It may surprise you to know that I have, in fact, been run over by a chariot. At the Indy 500 track, no less."

"And I see that there are a good number of biology majors in here, trying to make something of themselves before losing their souls."

A new semester, and a new batch of Wyma-isms. Enjoy, my friends!

"I couldn't be more pimped out if I had a straight razor and a 1970 Cadillac El Dorado with curb feelers. I am THE pimp!"

"Will, you're evil. We must stop you!"
{editorial comment: Too late for that! Mwa ha ha ha!}

"There may be no failure so spectacularly obvious or humiliating as logical positivism."

Well, my friends (and friends of Keith), it has been a wonderful year, and all have had fun. As you might have surmised, now that school is out, there probably won't be any new updates until the fall. At this point, I will be taking Contemptible from Keith, and TA-ing Ethics. This means that we should be able to get some fresh material. Well, have a wonderful summer everybody and God bless.

Keith was sleep-deprived today, so that means that the quotes were flyin'.

"Trefts in the Hoooouuuusssse!"

"Ben, it's called Ritalin."

"That's right, Bill. If you're looking for a good time, I'm your guy."

"We should all live with monkeys and serve Will."
editorial comment: Now that's the best idea I've ever heard!

It's been a while, but I'm back, and boy do I have a wealth of quotes now. Woo hoo!

"Music to kidnap young women by."
~Wyma's thoughts on the molester-stache sported by a student.

"I'll be back after I'm doped up."

"Phantom limb is such a bitch."

"It does please me to imagine you in agony."
~Wyma on grading papers

"Ha ha! I lifted the table! Worship me!"

"California is going to Hell."
*webmaster's note: Here here!

"You don't have to be a post-modernist to be a scumbag, but it helps."

"So this is where the apostle Paul was smoking dope."

"I love it when material science beats on atheists."

"We have inter-species relations with 5'2" blonde white women."

"It started out Little House in the Big Woods and then they cleared them out so it became Little House on the Praerie. Laura Ingalls Wilder has a bumper sticker that says 'Clear Cut!'"

"Idiocy contains its own safety net."

"I'M the shizzle."
~Keith, Live from Missoula, Montana at the 1st annual Inland Northwest Regional Ethics Bowl

"It is one of my life's goals to be assassinated."

"I see myselfas a Socratic midwife...Rebecca here just needs a Caesarian."

"The woman gets bored...There were a lot of drills around the house."
~Keith, on the way in which the wife of a gay man gets pregnant.

"He was a Lutheran. There was no sex."

"Know the GUI. Trust the GUI. Love the GUI."
~Kant's motto, V. 2.0.0.3

Well, it's been almost two months since the last post. I blame the internet...

"At first, [Whitworth Professor of Religion] Roger Mohrlang looks like just the sweetest old man you ever met, and then you look at his papers, and you realize that he couldn't be more nasty if he had a dominatrix with a cattle prod."

"If screwing is all they did, screw them."

"I am ninja. I am invisible."

"You know, Jesus just screws things up all the time."

"Thank goodness for the Australians for saving us from being the most boorish, shallow people on Earth."

And a special guest appearance by Kevin Klevjer:
"Maybe it's not wrong to dehumanize."

"They'll not take our freedom, just our intestines!"

"There is no bigger whacking-stick than eternal damnation."

"Hmmm...Scripture reading or crack pipe?"

"Somebody whip me!"

"Mommy says go distract the store owner."

"As a philosopher, of course, I avoid the Bible at all costs."

"It's like BAM! We're alone now with God."

"Grammar is apparently lost on villains."

"You only THINK I'm not a heroin addict."

"This is Christmas.
The dog died.
But at least this year,
We got to eat."

"So I was riding along on my bike...and then I wiped out and I was lik, "Oh no! God's judging me!"

"There's a great Marilyn Manson song..."

"A is for the alcohol so tasty.
D is for the drugs that make my skin so pasty.
D is for the dollars I am spending.
I is for the indictments that are pending.
C is for cravings that are always hovering.
T is for the tracks my sleeves are covering.
I is for the insane way I'm feeling.
O is for the overdose that has me reeling.
N is for the next hit, always the best one.
S is for the slab I soon will rest on."

"It's a piece of freakin' wood."

"What would Jesus do? Well I think he'd pull his pants up!"

"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk."

"God wanted me to use the pencil, not the pen."

"Luckily for the Nazis, God hated the Jews."

"People say Paris is the city of love, but really it's Prague. People were making out everywhere! Old people, young people, everybody was making out!"

"A good dog is loyal and friendly, and doesn't crap on the rug too much."

"It's bad to abandon children and leave them on hillsides to be raised by wolves."

"I had a bad experience with Mickey once."

Well, it's a new year, a new term, and we open it up with a new batch of Wyma, fresh from today's session of Ten Commandments. Most of the quotes throughout January will be taken from that class. Welcome back, everybody!

"You can do business or go to Heaven, but not both."

"The number of times I should have been dead or horribly mutilated is almost beyond count."

"If I take the drugs, I'm fine."

"Christian rock. I'm still not convinced it's not a contradiction of terms."

"I think that there is a certain amount of rebellion inherrent in rock, but culture is so far gone to Hell already that you can rebel against it by being good."