"Once again I am a phallocrat."

"Let's just say it involved drugs, guns, hostages, and a swat team."

"If Roger Morlang began every class with 'we thank you, o God, that Aristotle is in Hell,' it wouldn't surprise me."

"Really unpleasant-looking...must be Russian."

"I was growing up in rural Indiana, which is by definition unenlightened."

"Tiny elves could tell you why."

"I'm not gay, you're gay!"

That's it folks, my last Wyma class. I've passed on the torch to Amy Bernard, but you might not see anything for a while because Keith is going on sabbatical for next semester. Stay tuned!

"...you get people like Al Sharpton, who really is nothing more than an attention whore."

"Keep the dangerous ideas away from the students."

"It was like trying heroine for the first time...I could feel particulate matter trying to get through my kidneys." - Wyma on ice cream at Coldstone Creamery.

"Think about two kinds of things for a second - think about apples and barbells..."

"It's all about sex with Freud, which explains why he smoked that big cigar."

"I love my nose! Let's cut it off!!"

"I'm emphasizing me!"

Dr. Wyma insisted that if I were to post the following quotes from our most recent and rousing feminist discussion, they were to be preceded by a disclaimer, additional to the one on the left of the screen, noting that these quotes are terribly out of context, primarily in sarcastic jest, and not actually what Keith believes.

"What we want is women who will have sex with us and not bother us with troublesome things like babies afterward."

"How dare you take liberties with me! - and then she starts mow'n on him."

"Scully was always wearing non-sensible shoes. Just wear some flats, woman!"

Stephen: "Maybe it's that I just woke up, but I don't see the connection here..."
Wyma: "Perhaps if I slap you upside the head a few times?"

"I know! I'll hypnotize her with my Wendy's burger and if that doesn't work I'll give her a rufie and then maybe we'll go out or something..."

"I mean, if you want an actual learned opinion on this, ask a theologian."

"She doesn't strike me as someone who wants to chase me with a torch and probably castrate me if she catches me."

"So, I decide to put on Jimmy Hendrix, and instantly the boys start taking their clothes off..."

"What the hell was that all about with the eggs?"

"Heaven knows you want to get through central Washington as fast as possible."

"This watch ought not to weigh twelve pounds."

"We can't even get the Presbyterians to accept Presbyterianism."

"Little dogs are out there saying 'prick my paw - do I not bleed?'"

"Sir so-and-so and the quest for the golden such-and-such..."

"A rousing round of Rawls..."

"...and then the logical positivists start speaking in the public square, forgetting that they'd strapped a bunch of dynamite to themselves."

"As it turns out, other theories suck worse."

"Don't ever make any moral claims around me or I'll have to smack you."

"Let's be honest, any game that can conceivably end in a 0-0 tie can not be that exciting."

"I mean, you're already in my house, one flick of the wrist and the metal shutters come down and no one gets out alive, so you might as well take what I'm offering you."

"I had dinner with a Form last week."

"You don't have to be a postmodernist to be a thieving scumbag, but apparently it helps."

"If I could even understand the claim you're making I could tell you how stupid it is."

Ian: "What do you cover in aesthetics?"
K. Wyma: "Everything that's cool."

"There's nothing like pulling knives out of a monkey's butt to liven up a class."

"If [modern PH's search for objectivity] has not only failed, but pruned to fail...pruned?"

"'In full bloom' was a new statement, just throw out 'in full blown swing.'"

"Your Sasquatch can't be the missing link because Stralopythicus is the missing link!"

"Well, if you said the same thing that I did, then you must be right!"

"Apparently the divine plan does not involve me being able to take myself seriously or have any sense of pride at all."

"Here's 'eleventy-j'"

"I generally found this to be...wholly crap."

"A [Sartrian] 'sincere homosexual' sounds to me like a motivational speaker for NAMBLA."

"Paederasty and you."

R. Rice: "There are some people who openly embrace 'a' and '~a.'"
K. Wyma: "...and we burn them with pokers."

"Does Ayer just walk in and go, 'RAPING GUEST?!!'"

"We were all sitting around these circular tables, strapped into our own electric chairs. The professor would point to the board and yell out things like 'fish!!' and we could just push our own button when we'd had enough." - Wyma on his intermediate logic dream.

"Well, now we're just going to have to slap you, because you haven't said anything meaningful."

"I felt like some old guy giving some kid advice who just came out: 'This is how I did it!'"

"That's the best name...ever! I want to change my name to Bob Loblaw."

"Heideggar is one of the reasons the logical positivists got started, because they realized...that's just cracked."

"The logical positivists try to take it all in and just wind up projectile-vomiting it all out."

"Let's lick the disc."

"Colin's running around like, 'I need pants! I need big pants!' and I'm like, 'No! No pants!'"

"It's not so much handling the physical rigors of the Asian PH trip, but handling a blacked-out Forrest Baird."

"The communist society: everyone gets a car...sort of. It's a car that goats will eat."

Keith: "I'm now twice the age of incoming freshman..."
Ian: "Can't date 'em."
Keith: "Thanks Ian, that's good advice."

"I've actually been in the room for an hour now, I've just now allowed you to notice me."

"The Classics major makes you seem British, and if you're British you're like five social classes up."

This is Will, just thought I'd drop a link in here for all the people who have taken Ancient. Not exactly Wyma material (but then, what else is?), but a good example of how NOT to write a paper, courtesy of DMZ himself, the man who inspired me to get this gig going.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/1

Patience Sithy-pants! I've only got one Wyma class that's meeting right now.

Love,
Lars

"What's the point in being a TA if you can't blackmail people about their grades?"

"Forrest thinks what I tell him."

"Maybe if Hegel would be less interested in making sense his philosophy would be less stupid."

"I'm a guy. I'm A WASH OF TESTOSTERONE...or at least I would have been if I wouldn't have turned out to be a philosopher."

"Will-to-power lingerie..."

Will says: I thought you had capstone with Wyma. At any rate, it's good to see you back on the horse. And the TA thing is totally true.

Last post until the fall!! If you're jonesin' for some Dr. Fun Man, might I suggest you visit some of the ancient posts of semesters past. Until Contemporary and Capstone I remain your humble scribe of Wymian mirth,
Lars Katz Gaarde


"Google my name, I tell my friends! 'Course all those court records show up..."

"Compatibilism is like a used car - almost as good."

"I may be mispronouncing it, it's French. But if I am, I don't care - it's French."

"Hegel, aside from being the worst writer philosophy has ever seen..."

"I'm not saying they're not talented musicians, they just suck as a band. Not only do they suck, but any band that sells millions of records is not alternative! Here I am, a middle aged white man, and I'm in a position to critique their funkiness!!" - Wyma on The Dave Matthews Band, DMB, or "Dave," if you're an idiot.

"Johnny! Put down that bag right now or you'll be QUEER!"

"You realize I'm not going to grade these tests anyway, right?"

"Resurrection is not something that is consistent with our daily experience, otherwise people wouldn't have pet cemeteries."

"You would suspect an illicit relationship with so much Hume all over him."

"They're always RUBES!"

"You thought the fun was over, but no! Not only, BUT ALSO!"

"This isn't just the Switzerland of modern philosophy, it's the matterhorn!"

"I'm your philosopher now, BITCH!"

"...but, enough about me. Not that there ever could be enough about me, but let's just stop for now."

"After you pay to get in @ Disneyland, all the rides are free. Admittedly popcorn will cost you your first born child..."

"I might suppose that I need to hold a lot of lit firecrackers for my self preservation."

"I'm so Presbyterian that I want to burn Lutherans at the stake. Actually I don't. I figure hell will be sufficient."

"...but here's the question I leave you with. WHAT THE HELL IS THE GENERAL WILL?!"
- Wyma on Rousseau's "social contract"

"I'm not saying he's not a genius...I'm just saying he's entirely wrong."

"I feel like killing Locke for his careless wording and thinking. He's lucky he's already dead."

"If I'm getting demon posessed I'm demanding a full refund on my mail order voodoo priest certificate. Because what has that really gotten me except all the chicken I can eat, and the glare of doom?"

"Yeah, I looked fine in graduate school, let's face it."

"Just to throw sensitivity out the window for a second - voodoo? What a STUPID religion!"

"Looks like I left Rousseau out of the syllabus. I wonder why I did that...probably because I hate him."

"Don't fret those 100 lashes - this is the best of all possible worlds!"

"Apparently I've gone dyslexic."

"Oh no! I can't trust this GUI, I can't use this GUI, I can't LOVE this GUI!!"

"Skeptics still raise chinchillas, but they may raise fewer chinchillas than the rest of us."

"...which is why [Kant] is super cool, and will probably make you insane."

"...but to be fair and charitable to the compatibilists...which I'm not really that inclined to do..."

"Break my contract with the sovereign? NO WAY! ..now I gotta change my pants."

"The next time you're out with your boyfriend or girlfriend and feeling frisky, just remember...SHEEN."

"I like my music to be like a sledgehammer - corrosive and delivering mass force trauma."

"What if you cried out to God on your death bed, but God finally died of old age? He was like...20 billion and seven, and that's just as old as he gets."

Howdy folks! It is with eager grabbing motions that I accept the torch from our dear friend Will, who graduates this Spring and has taken all the Wyma required for a college degree. The site won't change much, I'll just be in charge of keeping track of, and posting quotes, -isms, and the like. Let me know if you've written down something that I missed.

Yours ever so truly,
Lars Katz Gaarde.


Now without further ado, here are some great ones from the first few days of class:

"We're so chalk full of tasty philosophical goodness."

"Either that's real philosophical spirit or real masochism."

"...and for those of you who haven't had a class with me before - yes, this is my handwriting."

"Getting to this classroom is like walking through someone's bedroom to get to their bathroom." - on History of Modern Philosophy being held in the basement of Alder Hall.

"People say Descartes is the father of modern philosophy. I think the father of modern philosophy is more like Sir William of Ockham, who knocked up medieval philosophy. Descartes is more like the first born."

Edit: I expect you guys to treat Lars as if he were me. That means you send him your quotations, and all that sort of crap. I'll still maintain my status as an admin, so if you have any complaints or difficulties, let me know.
~Will