"It's not so much handling the physical rigors of the Asian PH trip, but handling a blacked-out Forrest Baird."

"The communist society: everyone gets a car...sort of. It's a car that goats will eat."

Keith: "I'm now twice the age of incoming freshman..."
Ian: "Can't date 'em."
Keith: "Thanks Ian, that's good advice."

"I've actually been in the room for an hour now, I've just now allowed you to notice me."

"The Classics major makes you seem British, and if you're British you're like five social classes up."