"As a philosopher, of course, I avoid the Bible at all costs."

"It's like BAM! We're alone now with God."

"Grammar is apparently lost on villains."

"You only THINK I'm not a heroin addict."

"This is Christmas.
The dog died.
But at least this year,
We got to eat."

"So I was riding along on my bike...and then I wiped out and I was lik, "Oh no! God's judging me!"

"There's a great Marilyn Manson song..."

"A is for the alcohol so tasty.
D is for the drugs that make my skin so pasty.
D is for the dollars I am spending.
I is for the indictments that are pending.
C is for cravings that are always hovering.
T is for the tracks my sleeves are covering.
I is for the insane way I'm feeling.
O is for the overdose that has me reeling.
N is for the next hit, always the best one.
S is for the slab I soon will rest on."

"It's a piece of freakin' wood."

"What would Jesus do? Well I think he'd pull his pants up!"

"Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're a jerk."

"God wanted me to use the pencil, not the pen."

"Luckily for the Nazis, God hated the Jews."