"English majors? Why do we need to worry about them? It's not like they'll be able to get jobs, anyway."

"Philosophy is like a vampire. There is no subject so full of life and juice and blood that philosophy can't attatch itself to it and suck it dry."

"My pet is Trixy Magnetic."

"Clearly [with a porn name like Cinderella Shorline], I'd be starring in transvestite movies."

"Plato is my dead, gay, pagan homey."

"Or we could be like the Canadians and get drunk and go shoot a moose."