"It's not so much handling the physical rigors of the Asian PH trip, but handling a blacked-out Forrest Baird."

"The communist society: everyone gets a car...sort of. It's a car that goats will eat."

Keith: "I'm now twice the age of incoming freshman..."
Ian: "Can't date 'em."
Keith: "Thanks Ian, that's good advice."

"I've actually been in the room for an hour now, I've just now allowed you to notice me."

"The Classics major makes you seem British, and if you're British you're like five social classes up."

This is Will, just thought I'd drop a link in here for all the people who have taken Ancient. Not exactly Wyma material (but then, what else is?), but a good example of how NOT to write a paper, courtesy of DMZ himself, the man who inspired me to get this gig going.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/1

Patience Sithy-pants! I've only got one Wyma class that's meeting right now.

Love,
Lars

"What's the point in being a TA if you can't blackmail people about their grades?"

"Forrest thinks what I tell him."

"Maybe if Hegel would be less interested in making sense his philosophy would be less stupid."

"I'm a guy. I'm A WASH OF TESTOSTERONE...or at least I would have been if I wouldn't have turned out to be a philosopher."

"Will-to-power lingerie..."

Will says: I thought you had capstone with Wyma. At any rate, it's good to see you back on the horse. And the TA thing is totally true.

Last post until the fall!! If you're jonesin' for some Dr. Fun Man, might I suggest you visit some of the ancient posts of semesters past. Until Contemporary and Capstone I remain your humble scribe of Wymian mirth,
Lars Katz Gaarde


"Google my name, I tell my friends! 'Course all those court records show up..."

"Compatibilism is like a used car - almost as good."

"I may be mispronouncing it, it's French. But if I am, I don't care - it's French."

"Hegel, aside from being the worst writer philosophy has ever seen..."

"I'm not saying they're not talented musicians, they just suck as a band. Not only do they suck, but any band that sells millions of records is not alternative! Here I am, a middle aged white man, and I'm in a position to critique their funkiness!!" - Wyma on The Dave Matthews Band, DMB, or "Dave," if you're an idiot.

"Johnny! Put down that bag right now or you'll be QUEER!"

"You realize I'm not going to grade these tests anyway, right?"

"Resurrection is not something that is consistent with our daily experience, otherwise people wouldn't have pet cemeteries."

"You would suspect an illicit relationship with so much Hume all over him."

"They're always RUBES!"

"You thought the fun was over, but no! Not only, BUT ALSO!"

"This isn't just the Switzerland of modern philosophy, it's the matterhorn!"

"I'm your philosopher now, BITCH!"

"...but, enough about me. Not that there ever could be enough about me, but let's just stop for now."

"After you pay to get in @ Disneyland, all the rides are free. Admittedly popcorn will cost you your first born child..."

"I might suppose that I need to hold a lot of lit firecrackers for my self preservation."

"I'm so Presbyterian that I want to burn Lutherans at the stake. Actually I don't. I figure hell will be sufficient."

"...but here's the question I leave you with. WHAT THE HELL IS THE GENERAL WILL?!"
- Wyma on Rousseau's "social contract"

"I'm not saying he's not a genius...I'm just saying he's entirely wrong."

"I feel like killing Locke for his careless wording and thinking. He's lucky he's already dead."

"If I'm getting demon posessed I'm demanding a full refund on my mail order voodoo priest certificate. Because what has that really gotten me except all the chicken I can eat, and the glare of doom?"

"Yeah, I looked fine in graduate school, let's face it."

"Just to throw sensitivity out the window for a second - voodoo? What a STUPID religion!"

"Looks like I left Rousseau out of the syllabus. I wonder why I did that...probably because I hate him."

"Don't fret those 100 lashes - this is the best of all possible worlds!"

"Apparently I've gone dyslexic."

"Oh no! I can't trust this GUI, I can't use this GUI, I can't LOVE this GUI!!"

"Skeptics still raise chinchillas, but they may raise fewer chinchillas than the rest of us."

"...which is why [Kant] is super cool, and will probably make you insane."

"...but to be fair and charitable to the compatibilists...which I'm not really that inclined to do..."

"Break my contract with the sovereign? NO WAY! ..now I gotta change my pants."

"The next time you're out with your boyfriend or girlfriend and feeling frisky, just remember...SHEEN."

"I like my music to be like a sledgehammer - corrosive and delivering mass force trauma."

"What if you cried out to God on your death bed, but God finally died of old age? He was like...20 billion and seven, and that's just as old as he gets."

Howdy folks! It is with eager grabbing motions that I accept the torch from our dear friend Will, who graduates this Spring and has taken all the Wyma required for a college degree. The site won't change much, I'll just be in charge of keeping track of, and posting quotes, -isms, and the like. Let me know if you've written down something that I missed.

Yours ever so truly,
Lars Katz Gaarde.


Now without further ado, here are some great ones from the first few days of class:

"We're so chalk full of tasty philosophical goodness."

"Either that's real philosophical spirit or real masochism."

"...and for those of you who haven't had a class with me before - yes, this is my handwriting."

"Getting to this classroom is like walking through someone's bedroom to get to their bathroom." - on History of Modern Philosophy being held in the basement of Alder Hall.

"People say Descartes is the father of modern philosophy. I think the father of modern philosophy is more like Sir William of Ockham, who knocked up medieval philosophy. Descartes is more like the first born."

Edit: I expect you guys to treat Lars as if he were me. That means you send him your quotations, and all that sort of crap. I'll still maintain my status as an admin, so if you have any complaints or difficulties, let me know.
~Will

"You should not encourage me in my solipsism, or I may begin to treat you bad."

"Your mother is actually my father!"

"What if I am not actually funky? What if I am the William Hung of pimps?"

"I have become Universal Man! Bask in my glory!"

"I left out the 'e' for 'estrogen.'"

"I think there should be a 'Lounge of Despair', where people go when they are forced into the role of the opressor."

"Core 350 is turning me into a woman...I'm a middle-aged whit male! I'm healthy! My life should be smooth, baby, smooth! But Core 350 is wrecking my life!...Though I'm not considering surgery to make my womanhood complete."

"My feminine side is taking over! I can't concentrate for more than a few seconds!"

"Hunh hunh. She said 'damn.'"

"Are those dams or dykes?"

"Suppose we made multiple prints of a Thomas Kinkaid painting. Wouldn't there be ugliness present in all of them?"

"Not only am I a pimp, I am...SUPERFLY!"

"I possess powers of concentration far beyond those of mortal men!"

"I am just wildly amused by the idea of four-dimensional triangles of space-time foam...Next time a physicist comes up to me and talks trash about Leibniz's monads, I will pimp-slap that fool and kick him to the curb!"

"Maybe the actual world contains no Wyma at all! It is the BEST of all possible worlds, after all."

"I know ABOUT Cthulhu, but I was never a part of the cult."

"The worst of it is behind you...ready and waiting to stab you in the back!"

"It gets really freaky really quick, but we're not gonna' get our freak on."

"Man, my nose is really itching me! I knew I shouldn't have done all that cocaine this morning."

"Well, that rules out the drug party."

"Shane got the Weed of Time...hopefully we'll all be able to share it soon."

"English majors? Why do we need to worry about them? It's not like they'll be able to get jobs, anyway."

"Philosophy is like a vampire. There is no subject so full of life and juice and blood that philosophy can't attatch itself to it and suck it dry."

"My pet is Trixy Magnetic."

"Clearly [with a porn name like Cinderella Shorline], I'd be starring in transvestite movies."

"Plato is my dead, gay, pagan homey."

"Or we could be like the Canadians and get drunk and go shoot a moose."

"We [men] have enough supremacy under our belt that we don't need to have every indefinite personal pronoun."

"It pleases me to see Rebecca suffer."

"This is the first time I've heard you speak in six days!"

"This is analytic philosophy at its most ANAL-ytic."

"You HOPED I'd show taste and restraint."

"My being wrong is usually accompanied by cataclysmic events within the earth, but it does happen."

"It's like you're just standing there, telepathically making heads explode!"

"I'm a freakin' Pinko!"

"As you become The Man, The Man becomes more appealing."

"The only honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought."

"I'm all about the funk!"

"Graduation should be changed from 'Pomp and Circumstance' to 'Pimp and Circumstance.'"

"I think Skinner is monstrous and should have been horse-whipped through town until he recanted his horrid idea. Ironically, once could justify it in a Skinnerian fashion. I love that."

"Rufio, Rufio! Oh, my Ru-fi-oooo!"

"It's okay to make castles in the air. We just can't live in them."

"This quantum physics stuff is crap! You can take it home and feed it to your dog!"

"I am an agent!" (Strikes Charly's Angels-esque pose)

"Next time, we'll pretend it's Monday and come to class depressed."

"I will grant that cats are aware. Evil, but aware."

"He's freakin' God. You just gotta' do what he says."

"Hey, I guess it's time to fry up Ian. Doo doo doo doo doo."
~On cooking his son

"It's in our human nature to die. It's the one thing we're really good at."

"No, I'm not bitter about being left alone in nature."

"Jesus will become ruler of the world and everyone is gonna' be let into the kingdom...OH CRAP!"

"Violence is fun! It gets people's attention!"

"I'm fascinated by Texas Hold'em, in large part because it's so stupid."

"Yeah, Grandma! Next thing I knew she was all up on me, YEAH!"

First of the year! Woo hoo!

"Metaphysics is hardcore, not just cinemax late at night!"

"We're front-loaded for fun."

"Probably a dangerous thing to hand a philosopher a microphone. How much time do you have?"

"It's not really important! It's not philosophy!"

"You know, if we had a substantial amount of Jamaican Gold, we could be there [Mars] by the afternoon!"