"Man, there are a lot of people in this scene...I wish my life were more like that!"
~Keith on porn

"[proctology] isn't the most glorious of medical professions, but if something down there gets broken, you're gettin' it fixed, one way or another."

"You know, that whole Judas thing came as a surprise."

"Was it said by a woman? Then it's wrong!"

"You gotta' off-road in your SUV and run over that little hermit shack."

"Despite all the German philosophy covering it up, it's remarkably easy."

"Kevin goes to jail as a drug-trafficker to elementary school children."

"I might as well live for booze and crack now."