THEY'RE HERE...(cue creepy Poltergeist theme music). Yes people, after a lengthy haitus the school year has fired back up again...and that means so has The Life of Wyma (cue loud cheering) Over this next semester you will all be regaled with quotes from Ethics and History of Contemporary...with perhaps some quotes from Core 350 and Senior Capstone thrown in for good measure. So let the good times begin, and remember, laughter is the best medicine so come here often.

Ethics 2009

"That's bad...even for me; okay, that' s a "m." (Yep, starting class out right, with a handwriting comment.)


"Not only is Plato a good writer; not only does Plato make philosophy more interesting; not only does Forrest Baird idolatrously worship him...(Wyma on the usability of Plato)


"Zeus is the god of rulership and Kings and getting laid on the side...which is all he really did."


History of Contemporary Philosophy 2009

"I was attacked!" (Blaming the poor projector that he backed into)


"Tom Hobbes...we're kind of on a first name basis."

Hey everyone. So it's now finals week, and this means we're looking at the last of the Wyma quotes (at least until fall rolls around). Best wishes to everyone and their assorted tests, and I hope to see you all here again next semester.


History of Modern Philosophy 2009



"Oooh, I made a new word."


"Apodictic, yeah, I said it, apodictic."


"No...no...I had like five spelling errors in that word [hypothetical]"


(Wyma draws a Kantian circle on the whiteboard, dislikes it, and draws another)
"The circle did not get any better...now it's offending me"
(erases it and tries a third time)
"There, that's a little better."


"Americans are obsessed with cars. We have restaurants designed so you don't even have to leave your car. Drive-in-movie theaters...oooh, I'd like to go to a movie, but I don't want to leave my car. Lots of people were conceived in cars...there were lots of car "dates." (A small Wyma rant on car fixation.)



"There are limits to the usefulness of being quotable...or unbearably hip" (Wyma, on one of his classes saying "Wyma is a pimp," on all of his evals.)

(Editor's final note, Wyma's quote about being quotable seemed like the perfect way to end.)

Nietzsche Special

“Hard to get a signal from Nietzsche because of all that heat.”

Contradicting Wills: “Oh I am sore. (sleeping). Oh ethics. Wait I am hungry. No, I have to poop. Right ethics.”

“The will to power is about subordinating other desires to achieve an overall will. I live with two people that poop whenever they want, most often at the dinner table. They are 2 ½ so it is to be expected, but it puts you off your own meal.”

“It’s evil! Don’t touch it.”

History of Modern Philosophy 2009



(Me)"Wouldn't Reid's claim [ideas aren't the mind's objects, just what's really out there] be a problem though...like when you're nearsighted and everything's all fuzzy and blurry and soft?"

(Wyma) "You're seeing bunnies (takes off glasses) I'm teaching bunnies"


"I'm trying really hard not to think about Britney Spears." (Editor's question, aren't we all?)


"Some truly trippy Kantian stuff."

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Wow...I didn't know Cheerio's could make your heart explode. I'll go put that on the Internet right now." (Wyma demonstrating how, according to Hume, the more "wondrous" something is the more likely we are to believe it.)


"It's different, and very, very bad." (Distinction between actual pain and just lack of pleasure."

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Oh it's the best of all possible worlds...moron." (Hume's take on Leibniz.)


"First of all...first of all it is loud." (A sudden, and indeed quite loud, noise outside the classroom caused Wyma to semi-deviate from his original point.)


"Who were the morons out in California...I mean it's hard to single out morons in California."

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"So what do you get, math and logic...whoo!" (What Cartesian doubt leaves you.)


"Everyone gets up, walks to the door, cries a little bit, and then leaves." (After learning all about skepticism everyone still believes the door, not the wall, is the best option for egress.)

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Oooh, what is this thing (sniffs marker) smells groovy." (Wyma demonstrating Humean experience for the class.)


"You can't think the Pacers are going to the play-offs when they are not (makes a very unhappy face.)

Ethics: A Day of Subjectivism

“Charity is good!!”
--Wyma then performs a ballerina leg lift

“Ethics is not a theory about practice. Ethics is a theory in practice.”

“If I was the god of my own universe, then I wouldn’t have bursitis.”

“There is no God. Huh. This might not be a happy thing.”
--Wyma speaking for Atheistic Existentialism

“Swear the Presbyterian Church is the best and then I will take you out of the thumb screws.”
--Describing a coercive manifestation of subjectivism

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"We're going to talk about two things...okay, maybe three."


"Oh man, that apostrophe should just not be there."

History of Modern Philosophy 2009
(Editor's comment: Everyone has that certain person whom he/she just cannot stand. Nancy Pelosi, Hillary Clinton, Rush Limbaugh, insert your worse enemy here, whoever, you just don't like them. For Wyma, that individual would appear to be Jean Jacques Rousseau; hence the nature of these following quotes.)


"You could do a reading response on Rousseau, or you could do one on someone with a brain."


"Honestly, I hate this guy, and it's not even because he's French."


"Gah, I just...oh he is so wrong. (Wyma, near the end of class, had apparently just become sick of Rousseau.)

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"How frustrating, to be thwarted by what doesn't exist" (Wyma explaining how, according to Berkeley, material objects don't really exist.)


"And I'm like Berkeley, dude, prefiguring Einstein by a century and a half...not bad. (Regarding how Berkeley came up with the idea of 'no absolute space' first.)

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Suppose someone says to you, 'I love you,' yeah, I know, it's never going to happen."'


"I've got arrows going everywhere." (Editor's note, indeed yes, the whiteboard was pretty covered with them.)

"For something to be true it doesn't have to be 'God accurate.'" (Editor's note, yet another phrase that I've now heard outside of class.)

March 18th, Ethics

"I'll tell you what really goes well with popcorn, crack! Sprinkle it right over the top."

"I generally don't care about laws" ...(if they don't have a good reason)

"If you're going to just randomly thwart me then I won't pay attention"

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Hobbes is like, 'ooh, religion like a bonsai tree...yeah, I can deal with that." (Hobbes view of the postmodern idea of religion.)


(Wyma, muttering under his breath.) "And I put down the card, why did I put down the card?" ("Card," here refers to his "cards of power," first posted November 20th 2002.)


"Enough with Spinoza, it's now time to turn to someone a little less high on dope...John Locke."

My deepest apologizes to all of you who have been waiting for new posts. The file where all the quotes reside went missing for a while, and then I came down with the "Whitworth bug" (all readers who are currently going to Whitworth will know of what I speak.) All this to say, there are a lot of both old and new quotes, so I'll be double posting for a bit. Again, I'm sorry, and, fingers crossed, there should be no more delays.



History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Metaphysicional...that was not even right...metaphysical."


(Wyma writes on the whiteboard, talks, pauses and stares at what could best be described as a squiggle.) "That's an 'and,' it just didn't come out right at all."


"Everything was going all right, but it's a French name. (After misspelling Malebranche.)

History of Modern Philosophy 2009

"So here's Libby, she wants to be a nurse. She's dead...hard to get an internship." (Wyma, on how difficult it is to fulfill our desires in Hobbes state of nature.)


"Moore is saying 'the government should fear its people, ha ha,' and Hobbes is like, 'you moron; you couldn't possibly be more wrong."' (Moore-of V for Vendetta fame-versus Hobbes on the power of the sovereign.)

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"It's not like sloths fighting mountain lions." (Wyma, explaining the concept of how humans are basically equal in abilities, at least according to Hobbes.)


"Oops, I forgot my 'h'" (Wyma had written the words "Englis" and "Civil," and then went back to squish an 'h' in between.)

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Yeah, absolutely, I dare say bingo" (In response to Amy Whisenand just uber-nailing an answer)


Editor's Note: Yes, this next quote is a longish one; however it just so beautifully captures what a Wyma class is like that I had to include it.

Wyma: (who has been batting the projector screen cord back and forth for about seven seconds) "I'm starting to be like a cat...except that I'd be wanting to hurt someone with this."

(Small uproar from class...all right, just from this editor)

Wyma: "I know there are cat people in this room and it gives me great pleasure to torture them."

Amy: "But you're against torture."

Wyma: "That's a good point...I may have to rethink my position."

More Ethics

“This could be my boat!!”
--Referring to the possibly illegal retirement money

“Bill Clinton can tell us that he feels our pain, but we know it is not true. ‘Come here! I will show you my pain.’”

“Even saintly folk start to act like sinners when they miss their dinners.”

History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Ones are sort of like pornography...you know them when you see them." (Wyma on his reading response grading scale.)



"We're now going to jump into the law of wisdom which is Rene Descartes."


"The most powerful being is trying to deceive you...you're toast."

The Beauty of Ethics

“There is a long tradition of philosophers being really annoying people. Socrates starts us out well.”

“Cold Stone it is like mainlining heroine. I know I am going to be needing more of this.”

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Core 350 2009 (thanks go out to Kelsey Toy for this quote)


"This sort of anger should be reserved for if Bill Robinson ran over your dog; and then backed up to finish it off. All the while looking you in the eye with a smirk on his face, as you stand there, holding the still trembling leash." (Wyma, on the wrath directed to Core 350.)


History of Modern Philosophy 2009


"Throes of chaos...now that's a bad time to be alive, but a great time to be a philosopher. (Wyma, on the atmosphere leading up to the Modern project.)


"What's the purpose of being a cat...besides being evil." (Editor's note, "Hey!")

First off, I'm really sorry for how late these new quotes are...life got exciting...I promise to try and keep the excitement to a bare minimum from now on.

Jan-Term: The Vices-Virtue and Evil 2009 (Living proof that sex sells, all the really good quotes had to do with lust.)


“Then they all say ‘holy mackerel, I’ve just slept with my best friend’s spouse’…except they don’t say ‘holy mackerel,’ it’s a little passé.” (On how characters in a book respond when they all meet up with each other...after all sleeping with one another.)


“Hello, Deacon Jones…I was just investigating this place for a…potential boycott. (Wyma, posing as a church member who’s been caught buying porn.)


“Adult entertainment; yeah, very mature.”

Brought to you by Ethics 2009:

"I think that is the the kinda of question a good Christian wouldn't ask"
--long nasally breath (class introduction tradition)
And its response: "Witch, witch!! Burn him!!!...Which is a dangerous accusation at Calvin."

"Do I have a fork?"
--response to cannibal question of would you eat (name a companion)?

"Today Ethics is Holy, everything is coming in 3s"

"My hand is just not wanting to make letters today."
--Wyma struggles again with the lecture room markers

Jan-Term: Vices-Virtue and Evil 2009


“If I could plan my life, I wouldn’t be a philosopher.”


“Instead, you get January; fog, cold, yeah baby.” (Wyma on how sad it is most students don’t get to see Spokane in the more pleasant summer months.)


“Ayn Rand’s theory is just Nietzsche with a big yellow smiley face stuck on it.” (Discussing The Fountain Head's depiction of pride.)

Jan-Term: The Vices-Virtue and Evil 2009 (Random quotes, not related to specific vices.)


“Football is a goldmine for feminist theory”


“Misery in small doses is fun. (Wyma on why the vices appeal to us.)


“The FOX network is the reason Satan’s glad he got a TiVo.”

Social and Political Philosophy 2008


“My ‘b’ looks pregnant there.” (Editors note: It really did.)


“He’s fat, he’s Christian, he’s Italian.” (Yet another quote regarding Aquinas.)

Social and Political Philosophy 2008 (we will get to J-Term quotes; I promise.)


“You are irritating me.” (Said with severely gritted teeth to a dying marker.)


“He’s concise, baby.” (Re: Aquinas.)


“That’s good enough. Now the doorjamb’s there to trip someone.” (Said after Wyma kicked the doorjamb out of the classroom and into the hall.)

Happy J-Term break everybody! To celebrate said break, a multiplicity of quotes.


Social and Political Philosophy 2008


“That’s just a really messed up ‘3’” (Wyma had been using numbers to denote points, and then accidentally wrote ‘B’ instead of ‘3’)


“We’re eating mutton.” (The end result of the Tragedy of the Commons when we take more grass than is necessary for our sheep.)


“Maybe we won’t have a chance to evolve. A comet comes, hits the planet, and geckos will inherit the earth.”


“The family [in Rawls' OP] appears to slide by without scrutinty... scrutinty?” (‘scrutiny’ and ‘being scrutinized’ became one word. Editors note: I’ve now heard this word used outside of class.)

"Come and experience the wilderness of Utah!"
-After discussing polygamy during Ethics Bowl practice

Social and Political Philosophy 2008


"Philosophers should get paid more, and of course Plato would agree with me."


"He made me cry over a volleyball." (Wyma’s reason as to why Tom Hanks in Castaway should have won best actor over Russell Crowe in Gladiator.)

Social and Political Philosophy 2008

"This is going to do something really spiffy." (Regarding Rawls' hybrid theory of social contract theory + classical liberalism.)



(Background: the entire class has just admitted to never watching The Wrath of Khan.)
"Now I won't even bother with my example." (Proceeds to scribble madly on the whiteboard.)

Hey to all of you who've been patiently waiting for more quotes from Wyma! First off, as you might have seen from the name I'm not Heather Stevens (which is sad, being Heather would be awesome) however, like Heather, I will be taking care of your daily need for Wyma's wit/wisdom. So, to begin...

Intro to Philosophy 2006
"There are some humans that are below animals. Paris Hilton, for example."


History of Medieval Philosophy 2008
"I felt like a eunuch in the Playboy mansion." (Wyma, regarding looking at his skies while ill and feeling no desire whatsoever towards them.)

Update!
Hey gang, the wonderful Heather Stevens has agreed to act as an admin for the next semester at least! She had been set up as a basic author for the past few months, but since she is basically the only source I have in the philosophy department these days, I've decided to bump her up to administrator level. I have the utmost confidence she will use her power wisely. So let's all enjoy the remainder of our Christmas breaks, and then get ready for a brand new batch of Wyma come Jan Term!

Hey gang, it's been a while since I posted on the site, mainly due to lack of time, and lack of new Wyma quotes. As some of you might have noticed, the old site layout was no longer working for archiving purposes, so I had to go in and set it up with a new theme. Archived posts should now be available for all of your viewing pleasure. Also new is the ability to subscribe to the blog, so the minute a new post shows up, you'll get notification of this.

Of course, this brings us to the next topic of note: we are disturbingly light on posts for new material. In short, I need someone who would be willing and able to add new quotes to the site. Applications for this position may be sent to me at hektor_victorious@hotmail.com. This is completely unpaid, and duties will include: uploading new quotes to the site, approving comments, and notifying me if anything gets disastrously broken. If you are interested, send me an email with your name, email address, status within the Whitworth University philosophy department, and what classes you are taking with Wyma, and a choice quote that you think would be a good fit for the site. Good luck!

“Find an example of adultery in the media is like finding a depressed teen in Jr high. You don’t have to look far.”

“You are really attractive to me right now, but it is a bit damaged by the fact that you have been eating lots of Oreo cookies lately.”

“Why would He (Christ) do this? Rephrase the 6th Commandment (Do not murder). I had a chance at obeying that one.”

“Wow! Tyler you would look highly entertaining staked-out, naked in a desert covered in honey near a mound of fire ants.”
--Dwelling on Hateful Thoughts

“Resentment is poison you drink in hopes that someone else will die.”

I have a grading tool, but I can’t show you because it is illegal to have on campus. Namely, a sledge-hammer with scalpels.”

“Every now and then I am driving home, I turn on the radio and Love-Line is on, which is probably a sign of the apocalypse.”

“Catechismic…I don’t even think that is a word. But I’m cool and I can make-up words. Catechismic. Look, I used it again.”

“I would vomit, but I’m too exhausted.”
--Wyma posing as Devin after running a marathon

“That guy has five articles in the Journal of Philosophy.”
“So? Can he pay for this coffee?”

“I introduce to you Scott Starbuck. The man who has forgotten more about the Old Testament, then most of us will ever know.”

Wyma celebrates because he was awesomely recognized in a philosophy journal.

Story: Sometimes Wyma takes his inhaler while driving down the road. And for to get a good mental picture it is important to understand that the old style inhalers have this glass tube extension thing on them. Thus, in the end the inhaler looks more like a bong, then legal medication. Especially when other fellow drivers only get a glance as Wyma inhales. The ETHICS license plate seals the deal as they watch Wyma drive off into the sunset. “Philosopher,” they mutter.

“Yeah! We get to talk about Satanism.”

“From the sins of others, the sage corrects his own.”
--Stoics

“Wisdom is learning how life works by watching by those around us. Life lived in other ways will only make our life go down the crapper.”
--The Heart of Virtue Ethics

“When we are in bed together I do not want to roll over and find anther man between you and me”
--1st Commandment “Thou shalt have no other gods before me”

“There are fewer things sadder than a lapsed Satanist.”

“Where are you going Anton?”
“Disneyland!!”
--Anton Szandor LaVey was the founder and High Priest of the Church of Satan; author of “The Satanic Bible”

“You shouldn’t be sneaking those boys into the women’s monastery.”

“The only thing good about mimes is that you can hit them and they won’t scream.”

Nelson: “God bless the South.”
Wyma: “Because no one else will.”

Drama: Picture Wyma being God. Stamping the dirt things (humans) away from His presence.

Moses asks, “Who do I say sent me? Are you the almighty, kick-ass war God. The storm God: the shaker God.”
“No, I am freaking God baby. I will be who I want to be. I am gonna do, what I am gonna do.”
--Mark of authenticity: if there is ever a God, then it would look like this.

God talking to Israel: “I married you. And you slept with everybody.”

“There shall be no grape juice in the living room. Even if thou shalt carry it in a sippy-cup.”
--Metaphor for God’s relationship with the Israelites

“When God gave the Ten Commandments in Exodus it was like the Israelites and He were getting married. When God gives them again in Deuteronomy it was like last-ditch marriage counseling.”

The insecurities of Yahweh: “Don’t make any other Gods!! Don’t worship other idols!!”
--See Exodus for Biblical support

“Do not kill. Unless they pray to a different invisible man than you.”
--From George Carlin on the 10 Commandments

“I just came down from an active volcano and was speaking with God.”
“Everything is ok. Just stay calm. We will get you a tranquilizer.”
Moses descending from Mount Sinai

"Yeah!! We each get to be our own little divine commander."
Sartre's Existentialism

Man says to the guy behind the soda counter--"I would like some freedom please."
Guy behind the soda counter takes a fire hose and turns it on in the guy's mouth.
"Not that much freedom!!" Contemporary Philosophy, Sartre's Existentialism

What is knowledge?
"So say Ean walks into the Quantum Physics lab at Harvard and says, 'Quantum events are indeterministic.'
Then the professors say, 'How do you know that?'
'Divine revelation from God,' says Ean.
'Get out of here kid. Who are you anyway?'
'Ean.'
'Oh, your a Wyma kid.' {suddenly struck with enlightenment, the profs hurriedly begin writing down his every word}"

"I know I appear omnipotent and wizardly, but I am not Gandalf."

CORE 350 Humor:

“You could put CORE 350 on your resume.”

“Is it because I am an Orthodox and he is a heretic from Kentucky? Or, I am a genius philosopher and he just a social psychologist?”

“Remember I have a laser pointer. I can find you.”

“This is why I have not talked about Moral Relativism, and hence, brutally and politely attacked it.”

"Ethics"

“Hell is a really big cookie” Euthyphro

“God doesn’t like drunkenness because He doesn’t like grapes; however, He likes poppies so getting high is ok.” Divine Command Theory

“Wisdom is made known in the midst of fools. Unfortunately I have added to the mounting objective evidence provided for the wise.” Subjectivism

“Mike Tyson fled in the face of logic.” Subjectivism

“People who claim to be moral nihilists aren’t, unless they are writing it in their suicide note.” Subjectivism

“You will probably die on a toilet. And later be found naked and smelly.” Subjectivism

And the CORE 350 love should probably continue--concerning "Environment and Ethics"

“I have the subjective preference of lots of philosophy classes, but luckily I prefer an objective truth.”

“Fish are not that simple. But lets face it, fish are not that smart.”

The Love of CORE 350:

“Who eats Spartans for breakfast.”

“French...that is truly useless.”

“The world’s resources are distributed inequitably—but, so what? Why should other people’s welfare matter to me?”

Wyma flips-off CORE 350

Reference to nice clothes: “I need to just touch it and pictures happen.”

What is Subjectivism? “False, false, false and false!!!!”

“Isn’t it your own fault if you live in Maine”

Legal aliens? “Gordon is like ‘oooh that’s me I’m free riding.’”

Logicians to Logical Postivists: "Yeah I got your back, with an ELEPHANT GUN!!"
Sound effects and acting: "Boom!! (long and loud) Kussshhh!! (I think this was the splattering Logical Postivist)"
{Georg Cantor's Diagonal Method}

"The floor is yours Daniel. Own it baby!" [Yes, Wyma called Daniel Griffen baby.]
{Jean-Paul Sartre Basis of Life-Meaning}

Ethnographer to 'man in a culture he doesn't understand and language he doesn't speak' (we will call this man MC): "What is that? (Ethnographer points to furry rabbit)"
MC: "Gava-guy!"
E: "Gava-guy?"
MC: "HM. Gava-guy/incarnated-witch-spirit."
{Wittgenstein On Language}

Update explanation:

Well the sight is up and going again. Beautiful don't you think? Wyma is again available at your every becking call or "lonely for Wyma" whim.

This is my, Heather Stevens', first actual post. All the posts prior to this one should actually be credited to Amy E. Bernard and Lars sometime before her. However, the only way to manage the changing of hands was to simply switch the profile name. Before we were delayed for a long time due to passwords and then we tried the whole author-transfer thing, but that threatened permanent closure with no way to re-access the site (AHH, that would be no good!). Yet there is no longer a need to worry because everything is now under control.

So have no fear 'cause Wyma is near.
Sit back, relax, and chuckle.
OR, Be on the edge of your seat and point at the screen with wild-eyed glee as you laugh yourself a bellyache.

From your friendly-neighborhood University,
{Say, "Thank You Globalization"}

Heather Stevens

"You light the fuse and say: OH BOY! Fun times are coming!"

"Some people have funk. Some people don't. As it happens, I do."

"I said to myself, ‘dang it!’ I have a PHD in philosophy; I will not be moved by a Brittany Spears song." [On the song Lucky]

“There is music to study to, music to dance to, music to smoke joints to…” [On Plato and Censorship]

"I had a Socrates sweatshirt, too. Its sort of like wearing your team gear as a philosopher."

"She's just hoping that he will run out and pee on his burning car."

"We have to accomplish some philosophical purpose out of this highly entertaining story."

"We fight in our own way; we use sarcasm." [on the Friesian Liberation Front]

"You have distracted me in getting my Friesian pride up."

"Oh no! I've lost my peppermint patty."

"The sadness you feel when your beloved runs off with a hollywood celebrity would be considered a distinct impression." [on Hume]

Ethics Bowl Fun:

"Something's wrong with my car. Good thing I'm wearing my suit."

I have slacked and I am sorry. I will be updating at least weekly this wonderful tribute to our beloved Wyma. Don't worry. Here is the major quotes from this semester thus far:

9/13
"You don't want to antagonize somebody who has the power to perform a cavity search." [on airport security]

"He loves puppies, but every now and then He likes to make pomeranian smoothies."

"There is a good probability that she will have cold cereal for breakfast, and a low probability that she will scrape something off the road and cook it up." [on Open Theism and God's guessing ability]

9/15
"If I hear any of them again, i'll want to rip my ears off with a claw hammer." [about falsetto singers today]

"He's a divine command theorist, but other than that, a decent guy."

9/22
"That's not actually a word, I just made it up because I can."

"Don't mind me for hitting you once or twice while i'm taking your money."

"No, you'll probably die on a toilet; they'll find you later naked and stinky."

"They're enjoying the fine, fine smack they just purchased while they lie in their own urine."

"Being courageous is a good way to get dead." [on Aristotle]

"Give me that waterhose, i don't care if its been sitting in manuer." [on being thirsty and desperate]

Random Semester Quotes:
"We get to talk about Kant today! YAY!"

"I don't know... he's a defective man." [on Dr. Forrest E. Baird]

"Suppose Michael Carlson puts up a sign that says 'man thong party' and maybe they'll sit around and watch Abercrombie and Fitch commercials." [Wyma's idea of what happened while Michael Carlson was an RA]

"What happens in Uganda stays in Uganda."

"Happiness doesn't lie with Lindsay Lohan, but with Hillary Duff."

"There's a machine/device that would replace autonomy, and there's more interest on this than just the theology department... they're not that big on freedom there."

"Its Mill. No 's'. Keep that in mind; it hurts my sanity."

10/9
"It's like crap in your cookies. Even if there's a little bit, you don't want to eat any of those cookies."

11/6
"I have a fear of nuns, that I wouldn't admit to, but which drives all my physical actions." [on the mind/body problem]
11/8
"I hate Utilitarianism. I'm glad to see them die."

"Once again I am a phallocrat."

"Let's just say it involved drugs, guns, hostages, and a swat team."

"If Roger Morlang began every class with 'we thank you, o God, that Aristotle is in Hell,' it wouldn't surprise me."

"Really unpleasant-looking...must be Russian."

"I was growing up in rural Indiana, which is by definition unenlightened."

"Tiny elves could tell you why."

"I'm not gay, you're gay!"

That's it folks, my last Wyma class. I've passed on the torch to Amy Bernard, but you might not see anything for a while because Keith is going on sabbatical for next semester. Stay tuned!

"...you get people like Al Sharpton, who really is nothing more than an attention whore."

"Keep the dangerous ideas away from the students."

"It was like trying heroine for the first time...I could feel particulate matter trying to get through my kidneys." - Wyma on ice cream at Coldstone Creamery.

"Think about two kinds of things for a second - think about apples and barbells..."

"It's all about sex with Freud, which explains why he smoked that big cigar."

"I love my nose! Let's cut it off!!"

"I'm emphasizing me!"

Dr. Wyma insisted that if I were to post the following quotes from our most recent and rousing feminist discussion, they were to be preceded by a disclaimer, additional to the one on the left of the screen, noting that these quotes are terribly out of context, primarily in sarcastic jest, and not actually what Keith believes.

"What we want is women who will have sex with us and not bother us with troublesome things like babies afterward."

"How dare you take liberties with me! - and then she starts mow'n on him."

"Scully was always wearing non-sensible shoes. Just wear some flats, woman!"

Stephen: "Maybe it's that I just woke up, but I don't see the connection here..."
Wyma: "Perhaps if I slap you upside the head a few times?"

"I know! I'll hypnotize her with my Wendy's burger and if that doesn't work I'll give her a rufie and then maybe we'll go out or something..."

"I mean, if you want an actual learned opinion on this, ask a theologian."

"She doesn't strike me as someone who wants to chase me with a torch and probably castrate me if she catches me."

"So, I decide to put on Jimmy Hendrix, and instantly the boys start taking their clothes off..."

"What the hell was that all about with the eggs?"

"Heaven knows you want to get through central Washington as fast as possible."

"This watch ought not to weigh twelve pounds."

"We can't even get the Presbyterians to accept Presbyterianism."

"Little dogs are out there saying 'prick my paw - do I not bleed?'"

"Sir so-and-so and the quest for the golden such-and-such..."

"A rousing round of Rawls..."

"...and then the logical positivists start speaking in the public square, forgetting that they'd strapped a bunch of dynamite to themselves."

"As it turns out, other theories suck worse."

"Don't ever make any moral claims around me or I'll have to smack you."

"Let's be honest, any game that can conceivably end in a 0-0 tie can not be that exciting."

"I mean, you're already in my house, one flick of the wrist and the metal shutters come down and no one gets out alive, so you might as well take what I'm offering you."

"I had dinner with a Form last week."

"You don't have to be a postmodernist to be a thieving scumbag, but apparently it helps."

"If I could even understand the claim you're making I could tell you how stupid it is."

Ian: "What do you cover in aesthetics?"
K. Wyma: "Everything that's cool."

"There's nothing like pulling knives out of a monkey's butt to liven up a class."

"If [modern PH's search for objectivity] has not only failed, but pruned to fail...pruned?"

"'In full bloom' was a new statement, just throw out 'in full blown swing.'"

"Your Sasquatch can't be the missing link because Stralopythicus is the missing link!"

"Well, if you said the same thing that I did, then you must be right!"

"Apparently the divine plan does not involve me being able to take myself seriously or have any sense of pride at all."

"Here's 'eleventy-j'"

"I generally found this to be...wholly crap."

"A [Sartrian] 'sincere homosexual' sounds to me like a motivational speaker for NAMBLA."

"Paederasty and you."

R. Rice: "There are some people who openly embrace 'a' and '~a.'"
K. Wyma: "...and we burn them with pokers."

"Does Ayer just walk in and go, 'RAPING GUEST?!!'"

"We were all sitting around these circular tables, strapped into our own electric chairs. The professor would point to the board and yell out things like 'fish!!' and we could just push our own button when we'd had enough." - Wyma on his intermediate logic dream.

"Well, now we're just going to have to slap you, because you haven't said anything meaningful."

"I felt like some old guy giving some kid advice who just came out: 'This is how I did it!'"

"That's the best name...ever! I want to change my name to Bob Loblaw."

"Heideggar is one of the reasons the logical positivists got started, because they realized...that's just cracked."

"The logical positivists try to take it all in and just wind up projectile-vomiting it all out."

"Let's lick the disc."

"Colin's running around like, 'I need pants! I need big pants!' and I'm like, 'No! No pants!'"

"It's not so much handling the physical rigors of the Asian PH trip, but handling a blacked-out Forrest Baird."

"The communist society: everyone gets a car...sort of. It's a car that goats will eat."

Keith: "I'm now twice the age of incoming freshman..."
Ian: "Can't date 'em."
Keith: "Thanks Ian, that's good advice."

"I've actually been in the room for an hour now, I've just now allowed you to notice me."

"The Classics major makes you seem British, and if you're British you're like five social classes up."

This is Will, just thought I'd drop a link in here for all the people who have taken Ancient. Not exactly Wyma material (but then, what else is?), but a good example of how NOT to write a paper, courtesy of DMZ himself, the man who inspired me to get this gig going.
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/1

Patience Sithy-pants! I've only got one Wyma class that's meeting right now.

Love,
Lars

"What's the point in being a TA if you can't blackmail people about their grades?"

"Forrest thinks what I tell him."

"Maybe if Hegel would be less interested in making sense his philosophy would be less stupid."

"I'm a guy. I'm A WASH OF TESTOSTERONE...or at least I would have been if I wouldn't have turned out to be a philosopher."

"Will-to-power lingerie..."

Will says: I thought you had capstone with Wyma. At any rate, it's good to see you back on the horse. And the TA thing is totally true.

Last post until the fall!! If you're jonesin' for some Dr. Fun Man, might I suggest you visit some of the ancient posts of semesters past. Until Contemporary and Capstone I remain your humble scribe of Wymian mirth,
Lars Katz Gaarde


"Google my name, I tell my friends! 'Course all those court records show up..."

"Compatibilism is like a used car - almost as good."

"I may be mispronouncing it, it's French. But if I am, I don't care - it's French."

"Hegel, aside from being the worst writer philosophy has ever seen..."

"I'm not saying they're not talented musicians, they just suck as a band. Not only do they suck, but any band that sells millions of records is not alternative! Here I am, a middle aged white man, and I'm in a position to critique their funkiness!!" - Wyma on The Dave Matthews Band, DMB, or "Dave," if you're an idiot.

"Johnny! Put down that bag right now or you'll be QUEER!"

"You realize I'm not going to grade these tests anyway, right?"

"Resurrection is not something that is consistent with our daily experience, otherwise people wouldn't have pet cemeteries."

"You would suspect an illicit relationship with so much Hume all over him."

"They're always RUBES!"

"You thought the fun was over, but no! Not only, BUT ALSO!"

"This isn't just the Switzerland of modern philosophy, it's the matterhorn!"

"I'm your philosopher now, BITCH!"

"...but, enough about me. Not that there ever could be enough about me, but let's just stop for now."

"After you pay to get in @ Disneyland, all the rides are free. Admittedly popcorn will cost you your first born child..."

"I might suppose that I need to hold a lot of lit firecrackers for my self preservation."

"I'm so Presbyterian that I want to burn Lutherans at the stake. Actually I don't. I figure hell will be sufficient."

"...but here's the question I leave you with. WHAT THE HELL IS THE GENERAL WILL?!"
- Wyma on Rousseau's "social contract"

"I'm not saying he's not a genius...I'm just saying he's entirely wrong."

"I feel like killing Locke for his careless wording and thinking. He's lucky he's already dead."

"If I'm getting demon posessed I'm demanding a full refund on my mail order voodoo priest certificate. Because what has that really gotten me except all the chicken I can eat, and the glare of doom?"

"Yeah, I looked fine in graduate school, let's face it."

"Just to throw sensitivity out the window for a second - voodoo? What a STUPID religion!"

"Looks like I left Rousseau out of the syllabus. I wonder why I did that...probably because I hate him."

"Don't fret those 100 lashes - this is the best of all possible worlds!"

"Apparently I've gone dyslexic."

"Oh no! I can't trust this GUI, I can't use this GUI, I can't LOVE this GUI!!"

"Skeptics still raise chinchillas, but they may raise fewer chinchillas than the rest of us."

"...which is why [Kant] is super cool, and will probably make you insane."

"...but to be fair and charitable to the compatibilists...which I'm not really that inclined to do..."

"Break my contract with the sovereign? NO WAY! ..now I gotta change my pants."

"The next time you're out with your boyfriend or girlfriend and feeling frisky, just remember...SHEEN."

"I like my music to be like a sledgehammer - corrosive and delivering mass force trauma."

"What if you cried out to God on your death bed, but God finally died of old age? He was like...20 billion and seven, and that's just as old as he gets."

Howdy folks! It is with eager grabbing motions that I accept the torch from our dear friend Will, who graduates this Spring and has taken all the Wyma required for a college degree. The site won't change much, I'll just be in charge of keeping track of, and posting quotes, -isms, and the like. Let me know if you've written down something that I missed.

Yours ever so truly,
Lars Katz Gaarde.


Now without further ado, here are some great ones from the first few days of class:

"We're so chalk full of tasty philosophical goodness."

"Either that's real philosophical spirit or real masochism."

"...and for those of you who haven't had a class with me before - yes, this is my handwriting."

"Getting to this classroom is like walking through someone's bedroom to get to their bathroom." - on History of Modern Philosophy being held in the basement of Alder Hall.

"People say Descartes is the father of modern philosophy. I think the father of modern philosophy is more like Sir William of Ockham, who knocked up medieval philosophy. Descartes is more like the first born."

Edit: I expect you guys to treat Lars as if he were me. That means you send him your quotations, and all that sort of crap. I'll still maintain my status as an admin, so if you have any complaints or difficulties, let me know.
~Will

"You should not encourage me in my solipsism, or I may begin to treat you bad."

"Your mother is actually my father!"

"What if I am not actually funky? What if I am the William Hung of pimps?"

"I have become Universal Man! Bask in my glory!"

"I left out the 'e' for 'estrogen.'"

"I think there should be a 'Lounge of Despair', where people go when they are forced into the role of the opressor."

"Core 350 is turning me into a woman...I'm a middle-aged whit male! I'm healthy! My life should be smooth, baby, smooth! But Core 350 is wrecking my life!...Though I'm not considering surgery to make my womanhood complete."

"My feminine side is taking over! I can't concentrate for more than a few seconds!"

"Hunh hunh. She said 'damn.'"

"Are those dams or dykes?"

"Suppose we made multiple prints of a Thomas Kinkaid painting. Wouldn't there be ugliness present in all of them?"

"Not only am I a pimp, I am...SUPERFLY!"

"I possess powers of concentration far beyond those of mortal men!"

"I am just wildly amused by the idea of four-dimensional triangles of space-time foam...Next time a physicist comes up to me and talks trash about Leibniz's monads, I will pimp-slap that fool and kick him to the curb!"

"Maybe the actual world contains no Wyma at all! It is the BEST of all possible worlds, after all."

"I know ABOUT Cthulhu, but I was never a part of the cult."

"The worst of it is behind you...ready and waiting to stab you in the back!"

"It gets really freaky really quick, but we're not gonna' get our freak on."

"Man, my nose is really itching me! I knew I shouldn't have done all that cocaine this morning."

"Well, that rules out the drug party."

"Shane got the Weed of Time...hopefully we'll all be able to share it soon."

"English majors? Why do we need to worry about them? It's not like they'll be able to get jobs, anyway."

"Philosophy is like a vampire. There is no subject so full of life and juice and blood that philosophy can't attatch itself to it and suck it dry."

"My pet is Trixy Magnetic."

"Clearly [with a porn name like Cinderella Shorline], I'd be starring in transvestite movies."

"Plato is my dead, gay, pagan homey."

"Or we could be like the Canadians and get drunk and go shoot a moose."

"We [men] have enough supremacy under our belt that we don't need to have every indefinite personal pronoun."

"It pleases me to see Rebecca suffer."

"This is the first time I've heard you speak in six days!"

"This is analytic philosophy at its most ANAL-ytic."

"You HOPED I'd show taste and restraint."

"My being wrong is usually accompanied by cataclysmic events within the earth, but it does happen."

"It's like you're just standing there, telepathically making heads explode!"

"I'm a freakin' Pinko!"

"As you become The Man, The Man becomes more appealing."

"The only honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought."

"I'm all about the funk!"

"Graduation should be changed from 'Pomp and Circumstance' to 'Pimp and Circumstance.'"

"I think Skinner is monstrous and should have been horse-whipped through town until he recanted his horrid idea. Ironically, once could justify it in a Skinnerian fashion. I love that."

"Rufio, Rufio! Oh, my Ru-fi-oooo!"

"It's okay to make castles in the air. We just can't live in them."

"This quantum physics stuff is crap! You can take it home and feed it to your dog!"

"I am an agent!" (Strikes Charly's Angels-esque pose)

"Next time, we'll pretend it's Monday and come to class depressed."

"I will grant that cats are aware. Evil, but aware."

"He's freakin' God. You just gotta' do what he says."

"Hey, I guess it's time to fry up Ian. Doo doo doo doo doo."
~On cooking his son

"It's in our human nature to die. It's the one thing we're really good at."

"No, I'm not bitter about being left alone in nature."

"Jesus will become ruler of the world and everyone is gonna' be let into the kingdom...OH CRAP!"

"Violence is fun! It gets people's attention!"

"I'm fascinated by Texas Hold'em, in large part because it's so stupid."

"Yeah, Grandma! Next thing I knew she was all up on me, YEAH!"

First of the year! Woo hoo!

"Metaphysics is hardcore, not just cinemax late at night!"

"We're front-loaded for fun."

"Probably a dangerous thing to hand a philosopher a microphone. How much time do you have?"

"It's not really important! It's not philosophy!"

"You know, if we had a substantial amount of Jamaican Gold, we could be there [Mars] by the afternoon!"

I note that there has been a distinct paucity of quotes of late. As readers of this site are aware, I am not currently in any classes with Keith, so I don't have any new ones. I have contacted a few people in Keith's current Ethics about updates, but they have yet to post. We shall see how it all turns out.

"The vice says, 'Hey, baby, it's all good!'"

"Ah hah! I now have an idol!"

"Yo-ho, let's be greedy!"

"He's goin' extracurricular with that magazine, there."

"It's like, 'Hey, how you doin'?' and 'Hey, how YOU doin'?' and then it's BANG!"

"Cool! An El Camino! [cue porn soundtrack]"

"Woo hoo! You might have syphilis too!"
[webmaster's note: Hey! And it even rhymes! I see a future rock hit coming from this one...]

"Sounds like circus acrobats in love."

"Pimpy is in the house!"

Sorry 'bout the late post. In other news, I won't have any classes with Wyma next semester, so if you or anybody you know does, and would like to do weekly updates, e-mail me at "hektor_victorious@hotmail.com.

"Yes, I want to be pawed by drunken frat-boys."

"I may even throw up before I go!"

"I, too could kill a great composer."

"In the fastfood restaurant of life, I got a medium when I ordered a large."

"I am Goofy's funky cousin, Pimpy."

"In the end, the only thing I could think of that I had better was that my wife's name wasn't Misty

A light post today.
"By golly, I'm gonna' go out and do some evil!"

"Hey, look up! Here's you guilty conscience!"

"Can there be anything sadder than a lapsed satanist?"

"I too have a thermostat, but I don't think of myself as a god because of it."

"Wouldn't it be cool if I were God?"

"My life would be so much easier if it weren't for you freakin' students!"

From today and yesterday in The Vices:

"Chicks love guys who can kill things."

"I thought you were trying to make a point ther, but then I realized you're just a woman, so I can safely ignore you."

"When the secretary shows up, it usually means your whole family is dead!"

Quoteses, I have, yessss....

"Well, I guess that Joe's a baby-killer."

"I see we have a bunch of science majors here to make sure that their souls don't entirely corrode and rot away."

"Latin club was actually really cool!"

"When middle-aged white guys are up there trying to tell you they're cronk, why, that's just whack!"

"If you can smoke while doing it, it's a fine sport."

"Nothing wrong with our cows. I feel FINE! [making 'mad cow' face]"

"I want to get high."

"You just want to get high...BECAUSE IT'S SO FREAKIN' FUN!!!"

"Gosh, I'm feeling lecherous right now, so I think I'm going to go commit adultery."